yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
