mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
