last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
