wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
