do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
