he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
