She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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