we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
