He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
