Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
