She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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