I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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