Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he shaved USA in his pubs
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
