i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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