I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
