Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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