at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
