I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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