The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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