stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
