now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
