Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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