There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
