I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
