Your dad touched me again.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
