when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
