Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
