see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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