D3 body, D1 cock
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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