Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
