awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
