I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
