I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
