My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
