Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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