Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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