I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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