oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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