I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
