Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
