I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
In America we eat man semen.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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