At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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