I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
