Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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