Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
