How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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