i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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