I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
