Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
