Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
