And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
