You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
sex in a hospital.. check
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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