Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
