i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
